Hole Heartedly

"I ne'er can love another
As long as life may stand.
No maid the wide world over
Shall hold this heart or hand. "

It’s rightly said that Heart is the only broken instrument that works. Or is it that the Heart was made to be broken? Its strange how common are Heartbreaks and Heartbreakers. And more so the fact that it’s called “Heartbreak”, let me tell you when it hits, all the parts of your body break equally.

Where it used to be him/her, there is now a void. Time can try and heal it but it may also end up giving you even more time to miss the same. Wounds are healed, they turn in to scars. Scars are good, it means the wounds are healed but it’s the invisible wounds that are the most difficult to heal, invisible tears are most difficult to wipe.  As the famous  American rock band in 70s 'Toto' featured the hit song “As soon as forever is through, I'll be over you”.

When I was a child, the thing I feared most was skinned knees. Boy! Did it hurt? Well, few things are even more painful. But in a way, these wounds also turn you wiser. You eventually learn to let go. You learn that it was not your weakness to give up but your strength to let go. May be it’s too saintly a way to put it but that’s the way it is.

It certainly seems to be the end of the world but actually it’s just the end of a dream which unfortunately turned out to be nightmare. What do you do when you just had a nightmare? You wake up and realize you still have everything in place. You gather yourself to face the usual music. Do the same thing when you are heartbroken. Gather all the pieces; just make sure you have all the pieces with you.

A word to the wise

On the list of virtues one would love to have, wisdom should certainly top the chart. What is more enticing than to be called wise, to be able to dissect issues and find solutions, to anticipate troubles and be proactive and above all to comprehensively understand human psyche.

The path to wisdom is not as attractive as wisdom itself. Even if I am nowhere near it, I can certainly say why I am still a peeping Tom to this phenomenon. Till the time we concentrate on knowing others and search for mere things around us, the most we can be is Intelligent. But that is equally far from wisdom, the trick is probably to know ourselves first. As Carrie Latet mentioned “Wisdom is never on the menu, you have to own the restaurant”.

There is one more truth attached to this whole theory and it is the fact that even if you are wise, you will not be wise all the time. At times you will act like a damn fool; you only have to limit those instances. Even if that’s the case, wisdom outweighs wealth, status and power. So any means required in achieving it wouldn’t be uncalled for. In his Metaphysics, Aristotle defines wisdom as knowledge of causes: why things exist in a particular fashion.

Let’s formulate a strategy to be wise. The first thing is perhaps to know the inflexible truth that no one is wise by chance (read god gifts). It only comes after a series of slip-ups (read experiences). So the first step in the direction is to dare to be a fool and then learn ahead. The second step is to listen frequently and suppressing an urge to talk all the time. Believe me, people around us are smart enough, not dumb as many assume. The third stair is the principle of equanimity. It means to be composed in grief and happiness alike. It emphasizes logical bend of mind than emotional. The perfect balance of mind and the heart is the way forward to be wise. So lets try and sharpen our wisdom teeth, shall we?

Other's Idea can’t change your life.

I am sure not a single day passes without you listening to people advising you on one thing or the other. The advices may range from carrier to behavior, from romance to dressing sense, from attitude to hairstyle, from the kind of men/women you should go after to the brands you should buy. The list goes on with myriad advices.

But are these advices are of any use? Don’t we seek advice with a yearning of accomplice? As a matter of fact, people mostly seek advice when they already know the answer but wish they didn’t. It’s true that you can always learn from other’s mistakes rather than making all of those yourself, but the learning is often so situational and relative that they are hardly applicable anywhere else.

It’s always more easy to advise others than to follow them yourselves. As Jughead articulated once “Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway”. Moreover, if the advice is going to end up framed on a wall, it’s better to use your own mind for a change. Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself. But then, not all advices are superfluous and useless. As H.W. Smith puts it “The true secret of giving advice is, after you have honestly given it, to be perfectly indifferent whether it is taken or not, and never persist in trying to set people right”.

Therefore, the best advice is this: Don't take advice and don't give advice.

MistAches in My Life

My day was pretty much the same, rather hectic as I was busy arranging things for upcoming college functions. Loads of chatter, calls, bills, strategy, ideas and people were passing by simultaneously.  A chill, gusty and fresh morning of November made the job look like a picnic. Amongst the hustle bustle of the day, came two phone calls which are pretty much the parents of this post.

The First Call

It was from a very close friend whom I haven’t met in a while but kept in touch over the phone. He called to share the ultimate good news (and bad news at the same time) a bachelor can share. He was getting married shortly. Quite sentimental as he was when we were together, he sounded content and thrilled at the same time. I am sure he will be an admirable husband. The call, however, took me back in time and I was happy he was clear in his thoughts this time and felt the fresh lease of his life ahead.

The Second Call

The second call was from an even closer friend with whom I had no contact for the last few years. It was totally unexpected yet pleasant to hear from her. Her voice reminded me of the same innocence and truthfulness she possessed back then. She tried to be as formal as possible even when I became the same old friends we were. I know when she does that; when she is apprehensive. But what was she apprehensive about? I can tell, but that’s not the point. A hum of poignancy plagued her words even though she tried her best to avoid it. May be she is finding things complicated around her, may be she had a bad hair day. I can’t tell neither help this time. I hope everything turns out just fine.

The Final Call

The calls ended but the hustle continued. My interest, though, suffered a setback. The world seemed not so small after all. There are distances and the one of hearts is longer from those of lands. You are more likely to face the usual sunshine than the bright faces of your best friends in joy. You may not even have the time to shed tears over your own misfortune to share some of your friend’s. It hurts, coming close to people only to part ways and never look back. I want to fish out of all the people I love and I don’t want them to disappear in the mist this time.

Ghar ka khana

It is the favorite cuisine of so many of us that its mere mention has become a cliché.  But have you really thought why it is so? Why India being the home of world’s spiciest and most scrumptious food, succumb to the food cooked at home with no allure whatsoever. And not only India, why do people crave for “Ghar ka khana” even if they are miles away in some other part of the world (which may also be filled with drooling delicacies). Is it just the taste, it can’t be. Then what is it?

Remember the last time you step foot in Café Coffee Day. Did you pay a visit because you like the coffee or because you like the ambience (and the girls, big screen TV with cricket playing, chill AC, service, and nice sofas...the list goes on). Nobody goes to multiplexes these days just to watch movies but to “shop, eat and celebrate”.  Same is the case with News channels which are switched on quench the thirst for updates as well as gossip, and the might remote toggle to something else the moment it get too informative.  Thus people look out for much more in a product than mere “product”. It should deliver some value over and above the bare minimum. The entire hullabaloo over “customer is the king” (another cliché by the way) tries to deliver the same value.

Coming back to “Ghar ka khana”, we love it because more than sheer food it reminds of love and togetherness we had while having it. It takes us back to sweet old memories. It reminds us of the extra paratha we threw tantrums to get, the sweets we stole (c’mon I know you did it), the cute dog face we made to get the lion’s share and the eagerness with which we awaited mom to finish cooking.  It jogs your memory to all the festivals we celebrated. It reminds of the satisfaction and the security the food provided. So much more than food it is, so much valuable. No wonder the cliché is our favorite.

Necessary evil

Gossip, grapevine, grumbling whatever you call it but an acute urge to complain and to be able to satiate that urge is more fulfilling than you imagine. Its negative branding and the usual moral obligation (that comes bundled with everything you like) put-off much fire of it. Don’t you think the world will be dull and boring if we don’t have anything to complain about? Complains and gossips double the taste of food on the dinner table, shorten the time to commute, uplift the mood (of women mostly), not to mention the burden we are able to offload once we are done. So in ways more than one, Complaining satisfies like nothing else and the best part is you don’t even have to work hard for it. Pick the Professor’s style whose class you just attended, pick your boss at workplace, working conditions, peers and if nothing helps pick Government, mobile network, Railways, weather. They will always be right on your side since they will never run out of shortcomings. The ultimate weapon is to complain about is your ‘luck’ of course.

So you see, even if you are in the golden age you may always complain how yellow everything looks. The message is not to be a whiner all the time, but if you never complain it probably means that you have no interest in people or surrounding. Gossip doesn’t only spread evil rumors but there are also some truths worthy to be passed around, what else can be a better way? As Winston Churchill said “There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true”.

Humor has it

Ask people around you what’s their favorite TV show is and the answer most probably will be sitcoms like F.R.I.E.N.D.S, How I met your mother, or animations like The Simpsons, South park etc. Comic strip like Dilbert and Garfield are so popular. Humor is incredibly appreciated and most sought-after soft skill you can imagine (though sometimes overrated). According to Mark Twain “Humor is the great thing, the saving thing.  The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place”. Perhaps more than their obvious reason for inclination towards sitcom euphoria which is to have a good laugh, people try to replace what’s lacking in them. Yes! Humor

In a way, sense of humor is similar to common sense just more elated. Watch Russel peters on YouTube and you’ll know what I am saying. The ease with which he transforms usual chatter in to superb hilarity is worth lending an ear. That’s the kind of conversation people enjoy, a conversation mixed with tidbits of humor like cherry on a cake (shouldn’t have used it, now I’m hungry). That’s the kind of person we all want to be, don’t we? Someone who can make a clan laugh with just a nip of wit.

As much as it may be desired, the rarer it is among people. You must have been part of those unfortunate chitchats where someone made a fool of him/herself (and you thought what a loser!) out of sheer pressure to sound (at least seem) funny. While it may come natural to someone, those who haven’t got the gift should remember that humor is just a funny way of being serious (Although if you fail after several attempts, give it a rest). But be cautious around sensitive people around who get a wound before the sword is drawn. Good humor is never meant to hurt. If nothing else comes to your mind try mocking yourself.

Mahatma Gandhi once admitted that If he had no sense of humor, he would have committed suicide long ago (now don’t follow suit here).  A keen sense of observation and witty bend of mind is all you need. Just don’t become satirical in the way.